His Ambassador Blog

                Forgiveness, because of our flesh, is a challenging thing to give. Our hurt causes us to see others as less worthy of forgiveness than we are. The fact of the matter is that not one single person deserves forgiveness. Not one person deserves a second chance. But God. By His grace through Jesus Christ, we all have the opportunity for a second chance AND forgiveness. A perfect God gives us a chance, no matter how often we reject Him, deny Him, or sin against Him. If He can do that for us, surely, we can learn how to forgive others. In my own life, I’ve had people hurt me, I’ve needed to forgive but I’ve also needed to receive forgiveness. There was a person in my life who had hurt me pretty badly. This person and I don’t speak much anymore, if any. He/she talked behind my back and said things that weren’t true at all. I felt extremely betrayed by this person because he/she ended up being a completely different person than I believed him/her to be. For a while I was angry, and not just angry but saddened because I had truly cared about this person yet he/she had done so much to hurt me. Today, I can say for certain that I have forgiven this person and I wish nothing but the best for him/her. But I wasn’t always at this point. So, I would love to share with you how I was able to forgive someone who had hurt me, this way you can know that you’re not alone and that it is possible.

There are four key things we should acknowledge and keep in mind about forgiveness.

First, Forgiveness isn’t an overnight choice, it takes time, persistent work, and faith. Like many things, forgiveness takes practice. The more we can learn to forgive, the easier it will become. But something important to remember is that forgiveness is a choice. We must wake up every day and forgive those who have done us wrong. Forgiving others is a battle fight between our flesh and our godly heart. It is okay to be angry, it is okay to be upset when someone hurts you. But that is not an excuse for unforgiveness. Allow your heart to soften to Jesus and let Him bring you to forgive someone, even if it takes a little time. The Holy Spirit will lead you to forgiveness when you submit to conviction and the active working in your heart.

Secondly, forgiveness cannot be given on your own. To forgive requires the work of the Holy Spirit in your heart. It is by the grace of God that we can forgive. So, I encourage you to start the process of forgiveness with Christ. It will make much more sense and it will be genuine and lasting. Who better to learn forgiveness from than the master of forgiveness?

Thirdly, forgiveness does not equal forgetting what happened to you. Do not let yourself feel like you haven’t forgiven someone just because you haven’t forgotten about any hurt that someone caused you. There’s a difference between treating someone like you haven’t forgiven them and treating them like you have forgiven them. It is possible to forgive someone without forgetting about the way you felt. It all really boils down to one question: Am I still holding this person under punishment for what they did to me or am I freeing them from my wrath while still healing? Both are common responses to wrongdoings, only one is forgiveness. Don’t let your pain as well as unforgiveness hold you back because, yes, unforgiveness will hold you back.

Finally, Jesus commands us to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” God’s word commands us to forgive. Unforgiveness can often hold us back from fully submitting to God and following His will for our lives. Tony Evans wisely said, “When you forgive, God recycles your pain to His purpose.” Forgiveness allows us to grow closer to God and allows us to open ourselves up to be used by Him.

Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

Now, let’s define forgiveness. Forgiveness is releasing an offender from your punishment, resentment, or anger. Forgiveness has the same connotation as canceling a debt. The Bible is the best tool for learning how to forgive others. In my life, these five things helped me as I was working to forgive those who had hurt me.

Forgiveness is releasing an offender from your punishment, resentment, or anger. Forgiveness has the same connotation as canceling a debt.

Number 1: Acknowledge the wrong done to you.

To be able to forgive means recognizing that someone has hurt you. You must come to terms with what your offender did and how that was wrong to you. This step can be difficult to work through because, speaking from experience here, we always want to know: why? We cannot let this obstacle stop us from the forgiving process because it is highly likely that we will never know the answer. Isaiah 43:18 says, “Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.” We can’t let the thoughts of why consume us, or the fact that it happened, but we do need to acknowledge our pain in a healthy way.

Number 2: Set your focus on Jesus.

Once you have acknowledged the pain that was inflicted upon you, you must set your focus on Jesus. Not on your offender, not on yourself, not on your pain, but focus on Him. Think about why you have the desire to forgive in the first place. This should be because you don’t want anything hindering your walk with the Lord. When you set your focus on Him, you are saying that this is so much bigger than you are, that even in this battle you are going to look to Him because He guides us through everything. Hebrews 12:2 instructs us to, “look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Let Christ guide your desires and your walk.

Number 3: Pray. Pray. Pray.

As a Christian, your biggest asset in life is that you can talk to the Creator of the Universe. You can talk to God about anything and everything. Colossians 4:2 says that we should, “Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving.” One thing that helped me was being so open and honest with God, He knows our hearts either way. But there is something so comforting about opening up to Him. So, pray for the desire to forgive, that He would place that in your heart. Also, the Bible commands us to pray for our enemies. “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) It takes a heart for Jesus to be able to pray for even the people that hurt you. But the more you pray, the more your heart softens and opens with compassion.

Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving.

Colossians 4:2

Number 4: Read the truth of God.

During a time of trial and tribulation, Satan will attempt to fill your head with lies, to push you to sin. He may tempt you to act in a way that does not reflect the work of Christ in you or that goes against the truth of His word. When you are in the process of forgiveness, one of the best things you can do is go to His word to know the truth about forgiveness, love, and treating others in a way that Christ would. Proverbs 2:6 says, “For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.” True wisdom and understanding for dealing with tricky situations are found in the word of God. Go to the Bible for truth and instruction.

Number 5: Don’t treat your offender as if they’re still under punishment for the offense.

Romans 12:17-18 says, “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” If we are working towards forgiveness, revenge should not be on our mind. In fact, Paul says that we should try to be at peace with everything. This means that we should stop with the punishments for our offender. This looks like choosing not to talk negatively or spread lies about your offender (Romans 12:14). It looks like not celebrating their downfalls or failures (Proverbs 24:17). It looks like loving them as Jesus does, despite what they have done (Romans 12:9). Let God defend you, He will in due time (Romans 12:19), your job is to simply love and forgive.

Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Romans 12:17-18

Forgiveness is hard but so is trying to explain to Jesus why you couldn’t give a fraction of the grace He shows to you every day. Don’t let unforgiveness hold you back.